Sunday, January 30, 2011
bereft of inspiration. of any sort.
the past continues to haunt. the threads hang on. simply cling on to you.
while I. I cannot bear to cut them away.
let the deadweight drag me down into the abyss.
whimsical nonsense @ 11:59 PM
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Friday, January 28, 2011
it can get frustrating at times. that I know roughly what the problem is. worse still that I know exactly what the solution should be.
but not do it.
what is the point of knowing then?
~~~
the rain I wished for did not fall.
but then again, neither did the tears I hoped for.
at least I got some mileage clocked. with a relatively good pace.
I feel it coming back. bit by bit.
whimsical nonsense @ 11:10 PM
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that is when I know why.
it is not a good answer. but it is the truth.
now the question no longer is why. it is what.
what am I going to do about it?
whimsical nonsense @ 12:41 AM
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Sunday, January 23, 2011
it seems like this is all I need.
it is a complacency born out of sheer arrogance, I know.
it really does feel like it is enough.
~~~
there are certain things of the past I cannot help but miss.
it is just me to dwell on history rather than to look toward the future.
especially now, when what is ahead is almost beyond your control. even if that is not the case, it is not really worth the anticipation or even the slightest attention.
moreover, I like to think and believe there is so much one can learn.
there is so much to think and mull over. just go through it over and over again.
the night.
2345.
whimsical nonsense @ 11:45 PM
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I miss sitting at my table, facing the window.
The cool evening air flows in,
as I listen to music that tends to put me into a pensive mood.
Be Be Your Love - Rachael Yamagata.
reminds me of times that have long passed.
friends that have ceased to be, although their existence on this good earth is still present.
The night is a friend.
the stars, the cool breeze and occasionally the moon.
I watched the stars from my window sill, the whole world is moving, and I'm standing still.
World Spins Madly On - The Weepies
whimsical nonsense @ 12:47 AM
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Saturday, January 22, 2011
breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep.
Sometimes I don't quite understand what I am doing anymore. The only comfort is that there are a good number of others out there who share the same sentiments.
the scent of your hair, that you twirled in your fingers.
whimsical nonsense @ 12:42 AM
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Monday, January 17, 2011
bit by bit, I'm rediscovering the joys of running.
shall just hope that the machinery is up to it.
whimsical nonsense @ 11:12 PM
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Friday, January 14, 2011
to lose myself in all that is around.
I can't help it as U2's bass riff begins to surround.
induce.
I miss those times. those nights. where I just laid there with "ruth" for company
as I lose myself in my thoughts.
whimsical nonsense @ 12:27 AM
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Tuesday, January 11, 2011
All my life I've been good, but now?
I, I, I, am thinking what the hell
What the hell - Avril Lavigne
whimsical nonsense @ 10:16 PM
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Sunday, January 09, 2011
lately, I find myself entering a dark room. the lights are out. I have to grope my way around as my feet stumble and struggle to find a clear path to move onwards.
there is utter silence. the sound of death. there is no one else in the room.
except ghosts.
I cringe each time I catch sight of these ghostly figures. my heart is wrenched whenever the faces become visible. my mind is flooded with unwanted memories that no longer have a part in this world. they have been banished to the room of dead memories.
this is where I find myself.
stuck. and haunted.
still.
whimsical nonsense @ 6:45 PM
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Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Today was perhaps the ultimate sian day.
It was just so bad. Time just stopped existing. The thing is, it is only Tuesday. Not even halfway through the week.
Perhaps it is partly to do with the fact that I'm finally back to work after a relatively slack December.
I just don't know how much longer I can go.
whimsical nonsense @ 9:51 PM
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Sunday, January 02, 2011
there are a couple of flaws with my 3 day old blackberry. trivial they might be but it's driving me crazy.
sometimes I hate being so particular (slight OCD perhaps?) about certain absolutely non-critical matters.
but I hate it more when it doesn't appear exactly so! omg this is rather infuriating.
whimsical nonsense @ 11:59 PM
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It has been an interesting start to the year. It has been a mere two days but already it feels much longer than that.
The honeymoon period is over. Tomorrow everyone returns back to their respective workplaces, with Monday blues never striking so hard. Ah well.
~~~
I'm bored. I realised I did this on facebook last year and I shall answer them again just to see how much I have changed. New answers for 2010 shall be in the brackets.
WHAT WAS YOUR :
1. Last beverage : water (water)
2. Last phone call : apparently to my elder sister. 2 days ago (to chern hwee)
3. Last text message: zhiming (chern hwee)
4. Last song you listened to : adia (hopeless love, by daphne loves derby)
5. Last time you cried : don't know (16 December 2010)
HAVE YOU EVER :
6. Dated someone twice : nope (still no)
7. Been cheated on : nope (still no)
8. Kissed someone & regretted it : no to both (still no to both)
9. Lost someone special : not physically (yes)
10. Been depressed : haha not medically. but super sad yeah (same answer)
11. Been drunk and threw up : no (not drunk. threw up yes)
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS :
12. red (red)
13. pink (pink)
14. reddish pink? (white)
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU : (2009)
15. Made a new friend : i think so (for 2010, thankfully yes)
16. Fallen out of love : no? (still no)
17. Laughed until you cried : haha no (no)
18. Met someone who changed you : hmm maybe (yes)
19. Found out who your true friends were : i don't know (yes)
20. Found out someone was talking about you : no (no)
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list : wth no (wth no?!)
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life : most i guess (most)
23. How many kids do you want to have : never really thought about it seriously (still the same)
24. Do you have any pets : do fishes count? (no change)
25. Do you want to change your name : noooo (no)
26. What did you do for your last birthday : celebrate? (grieve before being cheered up by friends)
27. What time did you wake up today : 10something (10)
28. What were you doing at midnight last night : on the computer (on the computer)
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for : going heaven! (yes that too. but right now ORD)
30. Last time you saw your Mother : err half an hour ago? (an hour or so ago)
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life : shh secret (there is just one thing)
32. What are you listening to right now : innocence (still hopeless love by daphne loves derby)
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom : hmm i don't really recall... (yes)
34. What's getting on your nerves right now : me not studying (going back to the office tomorrow)
35. Most visited webpage : hotmail/gmail (hotmail/gmail/facebook/tumblr)
36. Whats your real name : Chan Yinghao, Samuel (like there's going to be a change)
37. Nicknames : alotalot (yeah alotalot. sure)
38. Relationship Status : single and unavailable (very much single and unavailable)
39. Zodiac sign : capricorn (capricorn)
40. Male or female? : lol half male half female! yeah right. male (male)
41. Elementary : shuqun/henry park (the same)
42. Middle School? : acsi (the same)
43. High school/college? : acsi (the same)
44. Hair colour : black (still black)
45. Long or short : short! (unfortunately still short)
46. Height : averagely short. or short. (short)
47. Do you have a crush on someone? : lol i crush everyone! (no. I'm in control)
48. What do you like about yourself? : almost nothing (nothing much)
49. Piercings : eww no way! (never)
50. Tattoos : i'd kill myself first (never)
51. Righty or lefty : right (right)
FIRSTS :
52. First surgery : er, does lasering stuff count? (nothing invasive)
53. First piercing : don't have one (don't have)
54. First best friend : err, joel i think. (yeah same)
55. First sport you joined : cross-country (cross-country)
56. First vacation : malaysia (i think it's malaysia)
58. First pair of trainers : some north star one? i don't know (same)
RIGHT NOW
59. Eating : nothing (nothing)
60. Drinking : nothing (water, occasionally)
61. I'm about to : finish this thingy (sleep)
62. Listening to : keep holding on (still hopeless love by daphne loves derby)
63. Waiting for : me to finish this quiz (the time to go and sleep)
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? : haven't really thought seriously about it (not really)
65. Get Married? : i guess (probably)
66. Career?: build houses for habitat for humanity. i think (it's a blur)
WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes : eyes. definitely! (eyes)
68. Hugs or kisses : er, hugs? (hugs)
69. Shorter or taller : taller i guess (taller)
70. Older or Younger : how young is young? (I don't get this)
71. Romantic or spontaneous : haha neither? (spontaneous)
72. Nice stomach or nice arms : both! (both!)
73. Sensitive or loud : sensitive (sensitive)
74. Hook-up or relationship : relationship (relationship)
75. Trouble maker or hesitant : huh? (hesitant. only because I don't like the sound of trouble maker)
HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger : nope (not even close)
77. Drank hard liquor : does vodka count? (used to, a little)
78. Lost glasses/contacts : no (no)
79. Sex on first date : yeahyeah of course! dude no! (no!)
80. Broken someone's heart : errr haha i don't think so? (not for me to say)
82. Been arrested : nope! (no)
83. Turned someone down : yeah (perhaps)
84. Cried when someone died : err so far no (unfortunately, yes)
85. Fallen for a friend? : haha i guess? (close enough)
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself : not really (no)
87. Miracles : yeah (yes)
88. Love at first sight : no (no)
89. Heaven : yep (yes)
90. Santa Claus : hahaha (hahahahaha)
91. Kiss on the first date : no (no)
92. Angels : yeah (yes)
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time : nope! (no)
95. Did you sing today? : err yeah i did (yes)
96. Ever cheated on somebody : nooo... (thankfully no)
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? : i rather not? (I rather go forward in time to pass my ORD)
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? : hm last year... maybe that day after econs deans list (a singular day. I can't quite decide)
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? : maybe (yes)
100. Posting this as 100 truths? : huh i don't get it (still don't quite get it)
Well, not that much has changed. But I kind of like this kind of quizzes. It asks the questions you never really thought about.
whimsical nonsense @ 11:50 PM
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profile
Samuel Chan
7 January 1991
affliations
shuqun primary school
Henry Park Primary School
Anglo-Chinese School (Independent)
acdb8 / bb12thcoy / acspb / ac cross country
