Friday, December 31, 2010
Happy New Year!
whimsical nonsense @ 6:45 PM
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Thursday, December 30, 2010
It is less than an hour before it comes down to the last two days of the year. It is inevitable to look back at 2010, and perhaps the decade even, since that is what most people are doing. Newspapers have already begun to review the year that is about to pass, recalling the highs and the lows.
To me, it seems like saying 2010 was an eventful year would be understating things. At the start of the year, for a few short days, I was fretting nervously and anxiously over the release of my IB results. Thereafter I just whiled my days away as I awaited enlistment into National Service. There was the financially rewarding Airshow stint, although my greatest gain was the experience, as cliche as it may sound. That was followed by an internship at church. For some reason I do not feel like commenting.
Perhaps it is due to the phenomenon of time slowing down upon enlistment that makes those three and half months prior to 19 April 2010 seem exceedingly far away.
Anyway, there came that fateful day where a civilian life was traded in for a military one. I was fortunate or unfortunate, however one may see it, to enlist as a clerk. I have served just over eight months now, and it has been a most eventful eight months. I believe it was an introductory step into the real world. I was suddenly exposed to certain kinds of people, certain politics that I was not accustomed to. Thankfully I was not dropped into the deep end of the pool but was led slowly and gradually into the end where everyone struggles to stay afloat or simply just drown and die.
how exciting.
It may not be fair right now since these memories are the freshest in my mind, but December 2010 has been a month that I am unlikely to forget for the foreseeable future. There was the Japan trip, which in itself would make any month in any given year a memorable one. Upon coming back to Singapore, the dreariness did not quite set in until a while later. On one hand, that allowed me to view many things in a more positive light. On the other hand, those events and the subsequent positive feelings helped to fuel the feel-good emotions, causing them to last a while more. Kind of a symbiotic relationship. Lastly, the month and the year ends with the Young Adults Retreat. It was my first, and a very good experience actually. Just hoping that things can continue to climb up rather than slide down from here. By that I mean spiritually speaking.
Ah well. Life moves on whether we like it or not. But I'm not particularly worried because I know whose side I am on. With God on my side, who can go against Him?
whimsical nonsense @ 12:12 AM
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Tuesday, December 21, 2010
just watched Disney's rapunzel. thank goodness they seem to be back on the right track.
and so it begins, this journey of self-reflection.
for the year. for the month. for the week. there is so much to look back upon, so many memories to recall and even more to mull over.
but I'm up for it. this is what I like. to just let the thoughts flow, flitting from one random memory to the next, wherever it chooses to go. just have to set up certain boundaries to prevent these thoughts from running wild and overwhelming what my mind can handle.
thoughts can be dangerous.
and that's what I love about them.
~~~
it is scary how certain things can pull so convincingly on your heartstrings that you find yourself being completely manipulated such that your inner most desire is to play a most melodious tune even if it is against the wishes of your conscious mind.
I don't pretty much understand what I wrote above, but I find it makes for an interesting block on which to build upon.
whimsical nonsense @ 12:20 AM
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Monday, December 20, 2010
all of a sudden, I'm really unsure of what I am doing.
uncertainty clouds the path ahead.
I embarked on a journey without a clear game plan, and this lack of vision and direction has finally caught up to haunt me.
unnecessary distress. nonetheless, I shall just try to enjoy the present.
who knows when will be the next time I have this much fun?
indeed, who knows?
whimsical nonsense @ 12:20 AM
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Saturday, December 18, 2010
just a random thought as I watched another episode of fugitive: plan b.
is loving more tiring, or living a life without love?
I'll go for the latter!
whimsical nonsense @ 11:42 PM
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it has been a long time since I last felt like this.
since I last felt like my body was about to fall apart, as a result of my chest exploding.
should I have ran alone, I would never be able to dig as deep as I did today,
would not find the mental strength within to continue pushing.
the pain was good. I miss it. I miss the satisfaction that comes from the knowledge that you did try your best, or close enough.
words fail me now as I attempt to describe the whole experience of returning to cross and training. it was only when I returned last week that I realised all along that it wasn't running per se that I was so passionate about, but rather the friendships, the afternoons and evenings together, getting out of breath together as we push each other to the limits.
mileage is clocked up. timings decreased. bonds formed. just about sums up everything I like.
I suppose a few good things do come at a price.
left knee kinda died again. didn't help that I still went to play soccer after that but I think I would still do the same haha. strawberry-scented shower yet again. crystal jade lmxlb lunch. tears-hiding rain. pain-inducing stairs. tiring and eventually wasted journey to ubi. an even more exhausting trip back home.
my body is tired. but I'm happy.
and it is rather difficult to argue against that, don't you think?
whimsical nonsense @ 10:06 PM
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Friday, December 17, 2010
so far I have been taking it as a game. one that goes on for however long it may last.
if today was a match, I would have lost.
my defences are failing and my reflexes less sharp.
but I'm interested to see the result of this game.
I shall continue playing.
may the best person win.
whimsical nonsense @ 1:03 AM
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hidden agendas and role-playing.
I realised that pretty much sums up my life right now. I have been role-playing for so long now, a number of months to be exact. it has reached the extent that now I am no longer sure who I am inside. oh the risk of playing with a mask all too often. you begin to lose yourself.
now, for hidden agendas. to be honest there is only one right now, but the plural simply sounds more suspicious. the strange thing that bothers me is my own lack of knowledge regarding this agenda. while I know of its existence, everything else about it remains very much a mystery. the details of the agenda, the rationale behind, the purpose and the future direction, etc.
well, I suppose it is a slightly fun thing to occupy my mind with. the problem is, thinking only comes about when I put on my mask. since it's a mask and it's very purpose is merely for show, I end up "thinking".
"thinking" provides no headway in anything. it merely draws one into an illusion; the illusion of progress. that is dangerous, imagined progress whilst stagnation and perhaps even backsliding occurs. that has got me fearful.
fearful for what lies ahead.
afraid of the consequences of my actions now, or lack thereof.
as the year comes to a close, I shall begin to enter a more reflective mood. it is always nice to look back.
especially when there is nothing to look forward to.
whimsical nonsense @ 12:36 AM
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Thursday, December 09, 2010
Japan.
The few days spent there were so packed full of activities and traveling. Yet this merely lengthened the trip, figuratively of course, allowing one to build up an immeasurably large storage of memories. I couldn't have asked for more.
Indeed, God was so good during those few days that I was never left wanting. On the contrary, I found myself marveling at what He had done. Looking at Mount Fuji, the surrounding hills and ranges, the valleys, redorangeyellow autumn leaves is a firm reminder of the beauty that is Creation. As I recall the sheets of rain that poured upon landing in Japan and up to reaching Tokyo Disneyland, not to mention the looming grey clouds threatening rain as we roamed about Universal Studios Japan, it is a wonder that for the entire duration we were in both parks, not a single drop of water fell from the sky. I know for sure now, that He answers prayers.
There are so many different places that we visited, each with its own unique characteristic(s). It is no surprise then that the vast array of memories and experiences makes this trip one that is truly overwhelming. The fact that I could share all those moments with family makes it that much more personal and meaningful.
It is probably not unique to Japan. This probably applies to most holiday trips. You leave your homeland physically while figuratively leaving behind your troubles and woes to get away from it all as you enter a foreign land refreshed. With a clean slate, you soak up all that there is like a sponge, savouring every single moment and archiving it all somewhere in your brain. When I feel like it, I shall pull open the drawer, locate the intended file and start reliving the memories and the associations you placed it on while on location.
On occasion, these mental images and experiences so chocked full of happiness, smiles, laughter and everything that is full of sunshine are what keeps me going as the dark clouds gather overhead. It is like storing up a little of that magical sunshine inside to use on a rainy day.
Right now I feel so ready to believe in magic. Of course there is the real "magic" that is the power of God, but there is also the magic that causes one to feel that everything is going to be alright.
Some call that sheer foolish optimism lacking a dose of realism.
I call that magic.
Everyone needs that once in a while. Now, refreshed and in livelier spirits, it is time I face up to this harsh world and its cruel realities. But I shall not be daunted for I know that He who is inside of me is infinitely bigger than what is before me.
You have no idea how much comfort that brings.
Japan trip, 2010. Like all other family holidays, it has been firmly etched into my memories.
whimsical nonsense @ 4:07 PM
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Thursday, December 02, 2010
hopefully it will be a new dawn.
whimsical nonsense @ 3:16 AM
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profile
Samuel Chan
7 January 1991
affliations
shuqun primary school
Henry Park Primary School
Anglo-Chinese School (Independent)
acdb8 / bb12thcoy / acspb / ac cross country
