Monday, November 30, 2009
i can't believe i'm up at this hour.
but i must say it feels like it was worth it.
as the sun crosses the sky once more, as another day goes by,
another file is archived.
a file filled with memories to be kept for a lifetime.
hello there. you look so pretty tonight.
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 4:44 AM
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Thursday, November 26, 2009
i'm not ready for this.
i'm not ready for all that i find myself facing right now.
i feel so incapable, vulnerable and weak.
conflicts arises within me and i'm left with no clue on how to go about solving them.
in a nutshell, i'm not ready to grow up.
the 18 years of life i've led have not prepared me for the issues i face now.
but then again, who is?
in this society and this age, everyone is made to grow up faster,
to be faster, better than the previous generation.
what a 25 year old would do 40 years ago, a 16 year old is expected to do now.
there is no limit in the pursuit for improvement.
good is never enough. better hardly suffices.
and even then, best sometimes still falls short.
in this world of inflated expectations, no one is ever ready
to fill the gigantic shoes that they are forced to wear.
i guess if you don't strive for it, if you don't set yourself high expectations, you'll never come close to reaching them, much less achieve and surpass them.
i'm afraid of expectations.
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 11:59 PM
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Saturday, November 21, 2009
why do we do what we do?
the perspective of a student who actually puts in effort to study will be used to explore the answer to this question.
why do we study hard?
some would say it's due to the desire and drive to do well in one's academic pursuits and the benefits that come with it. there are those who study to enable themselves to reach their goals, be it that comfortable cushy job with a high paying salary or that dream job that fits in perfectly with their passion and interests. they study to get to that good secondary school, subsequently junior college and consequently that excellent university. these days it's not the degree that counts, it's more of where the degree comes from that matters more. and some may argue it's actually the number of degrees and/or the "status" (i.e. with/without honours, masters etc) that matters most.
that piece of paper, the degree earned, then provides the holder with a ticket to that ultimate goal that he has been working and studying for all those years.
is that why we really study?
to allow us to pursue our objectives and goals (both monetary- and genuine-interest-based) in this ever increasingly materialistic world?
perhaps not.
perhaps as students, as we study, what we are doing is simply seeking and gaining the approval of those around us.
for most of the students, we come under the age of 21, the widely-accepted age that represents the entry into adulthood and supposedly greater individual freedom. i guess university students shall be referred to as undergraduates and thereby will not be in the equation when the word "student(s)" is mentioned.
since we're not yet 21, we are still under the jurisdiction of our parents. there's still this bond between us (is there ever not a bond? regardless of however much one may want to deny and reject it) and sometimes it seems like all we want to do is to gain their approval.
maybe it's just me.
how many times has such an instance as will be mentioned later happened?
you do well in something, say a race or academic competition. definitely better than your expectations. you come in 2nd when you did not even consider a podium finish. you go home happy, with great excitement. bursting with anticipation, you tell your parents the good news. in your heart you wait for that "congratulations i'm proud of you" but instead find yourself staring into the complaints of your parents. "why 2nd? and not first?" unknown to them 2nd is actually a really good result for you and you felt pleased and proud of yourself.
instantly all traces of joy vanishes. a cocktail of confusion and disappointment sets in.
you studied hard. you got what you wanted, and perhaps even better.
but if it's not met with approval from your parents, your teachers or peers. or society on the whole. you start to wonder,
what does all this matter?
you question if all that you've done is wasted.
you focus on the disappointment of not receiving the acknowledgement and recognition that you felt you deserved.
any joy that existed initially is now turned into sadness and disappointment.
as of now, it seems like i'm working not for myself but for others. and i don't see any way around it either.
in the end, i'm just a guy who's self-conscious and seeks recognition from others for my work.
i do what i do so that others may think good of me. my parents, my future employers, my peers. society at large.
what a stupid post this has been.
a "verbal" diarrhea of poorly expressed and sometimes incoherent thoughts.
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 12:53 AM
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Thursday, November 19, 2009
alright i'm a little late. but the ib examinations are over.
finally.
it's nice to take a breather from academic work for a while.
frees up space to dwell in the other matters of life.
whimsical nonsense @ 11:56 PM
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Tuesday, November 17, 2009
the price of slacking: too high for me to pay.
human nature is ugly.
regardless of the good side of humans that have been portrayed in multiple instances,
it is inherently screwed up and messed up.
that's a foolish and rash assertion.
oh well.
shall try to think about stats and hopefully things won't be so bad.
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 5:15 PM
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Friday, November 13, 2009
YES!
okay i'm not done with ib. but there's only one more paper left.
it's never felt so close before.
just a little while more.
can't wait.
whimsical nonsense @ 11:12 PM
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Friday, November 06, 2009
one week of ib is over.
i don't know what to expect. except i know i died for math.
killer paper.
just got to let them go, move on. trust God.
a few more papers. a lot more actually.
the intense ones especially.
but the end comes nearer.
time to rejoice. not yet boy, let's not get carried away.
in due time.
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 11:44 PM
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profile
Samuel Chan
7 January 1991
affliations
shuqun primary school
Henry Park Primary School
Anglo-Chinese School (Independent)
acdb8 / bb12thcoy / acspb / ac cross country
