Monday, April 30, 2007
i start to think,
and i realise sam chan and sc are quite different.
sam chan is the me, in front of others
sc is the me, in front of others, in front of the computer screen
i feel sam chan is me, the so called real me,
and somehow only guys see it, those in my school,
i dont know why.
sc is so diverse, and its not me. darn.
im most comfortable around guys, im most comfortable sharing things with close friends
most happen to be girls.
why?
haha im so strange.
in so happy tmr is a holiday! yay!
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 10:56 PM
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Sunday, April 29, 2007
i want to go watch that one!
haha i wont make sense to you!
not unless you are me.
retardedness.
WHEE!
LETS GO SAM CHAN! MUACKS!
MUCH LOVE!!! <3>
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 10:20 PM
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Saturday, April 28, 2007
i see a lot of things,
i read them.
but there are just some things
before i start, i already begin to pause
wondering if i should carry on.
the first word comes, and i decipher the arrangement of alphabets
and so i understand, and move on to the second word
the process not one that is extremely difficult
certainly at this age of 16 years, i should be able to read quite effortlessly right?
i hope.
yet each word i read seems to be an extremely difficult thing to do
somehow an inner sam chan, like my conscience, is telling me not to.
i stop myself and told myself i shouldnt.
but a feeling of guilt still seems to rest on me
not exactly the best of feelings.
but i am quite happy about today.
went to sch for bible study
managed to study chemistry, not say a lot but better than normal studying
something else i rather not say
managed to fellowship with my friends, bb seniors and officers
haha
i went cycling with alex lua!
for a short while only, haha within school.
i went to revise on remainder and factor theorem
i am glad i can now remember that, haha
i hope i can study more tomorrow.
i need to be more disciplined!
sometimes i wish i knew you more, but i am glad for now
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 10:48 PM
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Tuesday, April 24, 2007
well i have gotten down to some studying
but i am still sleeping too much.
always coming home with the intention to study
and then after lunch i fall asleep
and for hours!
until 7
which becomes very irratating
frustrating me
leaving me with so little time to study
ARGH!
now i realise how screwed i am, especially when there are so many other things to take note of.
pod presentation is a few days away
and i have yet to get started
ok maybe tomorrow.
and then i remember that that is exactly what i said yesterday
which meant that im supposed to do something today
which of course i didnt do because i spent so much time sleeping!
on a random note,
i wonder if anyone ever thought that a piece of hardware, some wires and earpieces
would be adequate to block out the rest of the world.
everything single thing that is happening in reality
can momentarily be pushed aside, away
and overcome by such a simple device (relative)
its quite intruiging.
i put my earphones in and i cease to exist in reality
and i will continue another day because i need to go off
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 10:08 PM
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Monday, April 23, 2007
yay im glad that a few people like my blog picture.
i hope they're telling the truth, haha.
so anyway, there is something that i just HAVE to blog about
but just to let you know, whatever that is going to be said below is
POTENTIALLY DISTURBING
so it was after recess, the 2nd recess.
and zhang quan sits next to job, the class casanova or something.
basically job is the guy who knows the most girls or something
and like if you think of girlfriend you think of job first haha
for our class anyway.
but thats just random contextual knowledge.
and so zhang quan made a rather disturbing discovery
like seriously, the whole class stated to laugh and all
as in its really quite amusing, interesting and all,
but at the end of it all, how it got there is really really, haha disturbing.
and so anyway, the subject of this all is...
some turquoise coloured lace underwear.
and im serious. its quite obvious that it is for a female...
the colour, material doesnt seem like the guys kind
and the lace.
i dont need to say anymore
and zhang quan said job went to his girlfriend's house till 3am haha
as if la, stop talking rubbish zhang!
but its an interesting theory. haha
and then our ct got rid of it, wrapping it in newspaper.
and so, everyone wonders,
how did that get into our classroom?
and in the middle of the day..
cant really be left behind by someone over the weekend because we didnt see it earlier in the day
maybe it was because just before recess we had pe
and then the thought came that maybe while changing someone like forgot to wear his underwear back
haha of course that was more in a joking manner,
but seriously, if someone in class wears female underwear, omg yucks!!!
but cannot be la, my class isnt that kinky =P
ok enough of this. its...kind of ...er...nvm
a few more days to exams!
oooo
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 10:05 PM
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Friday, April 20, 2007
ok after a lot of changes (haha ask ruiling)
i think im half satisfied with the background.
if only the scrollbar can disappear!
hm must go ask for help
im quite sure there will be thsoe who dont like it
but o well. im weird.
good night
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 11:43 PM
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test
whimsical nonsense @ 11:19 PM
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test
whimsical nonsense @ 11:19 PM
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i started a bit of revision, finally.
spent about slightly more than an hour to go through last year's chemistry.
the things that would be tested anyway.
mainly redox. and so now i can remember a bit more
of what oxidation and reduction is, and oxidation number and all.
but i dont think it was the most productive of things.
and tmr after council meeting hope i will be able to join the bb boys and do some proper studying
especially for maths, both core and add math
this is such a boring post
whimsical nonsense @ 10:37 PM
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Thursday, April 19, 2007
i think i am losing you, and i am starting to feel down about it.
but like this westlife says,
"you cant lose what you never had"
so i shall think about that, and learn to see things in that way.
hoho i am slacking too much
im sad ):
love love! <3>
i need a hug!
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 10:13 PM
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Tuesday, April 17, 2007
i have been reduced to this.
hoho sam chan!
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 10:12 PM
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Monday, April 16, 2007
i dont pretty much care if you can read this or not. but things are getting really frustrating now. when i grow up and have my own apartment. there is going to be this wall with padding and cushioning and all. then in times like this i will run into the wall. i really feel this urge to do something, like run into a wall. but knowing how stupid that is, killing your head, must have some form of cushioning no? things are starting to go at breakneck speed, i am starting to slow down already, in so many aspects. all those bright visions, ideas, hopes. so many times i realise that i have to do something to fulfill them. so many times i fail. maybe i should start hyperventilating, like all those bacholerettes who get rejected or something. and maybe i should start to blog properly, using proper english and all. if i am capable of it in the first place, knowing how my limited vocabulary and lack of grammar and a spelling bee brain will make all my entries really really painful to read through. i wonder how it is when these bouts of confusion descend upon the human mind and twirl and play around with emotions and thoughts. and i realised i made some grammatical errors before i changed it, but only for the last sentence. i need to rest, but at what expanse? continue working and i pay a price, just how costly. i have one body, one mind, one track for one train of thought. i have a few parallel tracks, all being grabby for my attention, for some tender loving care. i will try to just barge forward and hope for the best. but it is most probably not wise to do so. a sore throat bothers me in silence more than when i am spewing out words. on another note, sitting in front of a computer and typing away at a keyboard, to be able to get things out is rather therapeutic. to hear the constant sound of the keys of the keyboard being pressed down and to feel the keys moving to your fingers. and somehow for the sake of that, i am just going to continue typing on and on whatever comes into my mind for the moment, hardly giving any passing thought to anything. of course though i would edit the thing so that spelling mistakes are minimised, and maybe other things. no correction i am too lazy to go through and so if i make a spelling mistake and am conscious of it then i will change it, if not forget it, go figure what i actually wanted to type. a sharp pain in my throat each time saliva goes down, ok not that sharp. a blunt pain maybe, should anything exist in the first place. it gives me goosbumps each time i think that i am going to swallow saliva and go through that experience again. this is not good. not surprisingly, i am too lazy to go do something about it, like maybe drink water? i am putting everything on hold, individual oral presentation, philosophy of disciplines presentation, language arts A essay tomorrow, and just typing on this blog posting window, not to mention on any of the currently 3 msn messenger windows that are responding. mostly not. and i cannot really be bothered much anymore about all of this. but i know i cannot go on this way for the end of this path leads to somewhere worse. dark alleys filled with slippery moss, a wet and damp environment filled with grime. i need to lie down in the middle of a big dry grassy field, look at the night sky, regardless whether i will be greeted by a black ceiling, a night sky filled with a tinge of orange or an endless expanse of stars, i wish i can be there. it is my hope that i will not be alone, accompanied by a close companion of mine. and maybe we will talk. or maybe i will stay there alone, without anyone, and just reflect on what i have done in the 16 years on this planet. and i start to realise how if nishad reads this he is going to say i am emo, like a certain someone. i detest that. but i guess that means i hate the truth, because i am afraid to look at it straight, and rather stay in the shadows of the lie i rather live in. however i am sure nishad, or anyone else for that matter, will not read this post, not to the end. for myself, i would never read such a long and draggy and pointless post as this. may someone inject some life into this limp sam chan. alas, i sense something inside, that rejuvenates me, to a certain extent. i have nothing more to say.
whimsical nonsense @ 11:23 PM
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the morning started with banner.
putting them up.
lunch. macdonalds delivery.
i volunteered to call, to order one big order.
3 McChicken Meals
5 Big Mac Meals; 1 upsize
6 McSpicy Meals; 4 upsize
3 Chicken McNuggets Meals
2 Filet-o-fish Meals; 1 upsize
1 double cheeseburger meal
1 apple pie
25 hamburgers
15 chili sauce
20 curry sauce
5 mayo
5 ketchup
i have a feeling i left out something. and i dont think they followed the number of sauces, haha
everything was present. nothing missing.
just that the fries were a bit flattened, the hamburgers cold by the time the cricket cheering prefects came
total cost: $164.80
supposed time taken: 1 hour
time taken: about 45 mins?
its insane, almost 165 dollars. my biggest macdonalds order so far (:
they came in 2 motorbikes, with the bags filled.
and they admitted it was their biggest order/delivery for them haha
rain. lightning. so fun to watch. and how close the bolts actually were
of course safely under the shelter of the grandstand
then the plate finals over, then the cup finals.
15-3.
acsi win.
ever since my year came into the school, we lost the B div
never seen the B div win the championship
until now.
it was worth it. everything today.
banner, cheering. voice.
done.
cricket. really scary i heard.
very close to losing, we just managed to get that gold
2 golds in a day.
Thank God (:
back to work.
hopefully i can push myself to study.
hopefully.
rawr
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 10:14 PM
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Saturday, April 14, 2007
i am tired.
physically.
because after a day and evening out yesterday
never going home till 11pm.
i woke up at 7 to go to school for OM finals
not compulsory but i was on
and so i went down.
lets not talk about it.
after that went to the rock climbing activity at emmanuel house
haha my arms are tired. but very fun.
and then when i came back at around 7pm
i had dinner, read newspaper
then was forced to wash my adidas shoes
which is probably a good thing i guess
but i had to lose some idiosyncracy of mine ):
and i washed my shoes.
soon i'll have 2 shoes!
and then in the morning i'll go
hm sam chan, adidas or asics today?
lol
im retarded!
i need to start studying for the mid years.
worried.
i like you. i love sam chan!
<3
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 10:18 PM
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Thursday, April 12, 2007
it is thursday. tomorrow will be friday.
the last day of the week.
then comes the weekend.
where i dont get that much rest.
ooo im worried.
i like awake.
i like february song.
i like you are loved.
i have a sudden liking for josh groban songs.
and so i have been listening to those 3 songs quite a bit.
its sooo nice
and i realise that i am quite screwed for mid years.
very.
uh oh i am getting a bit scared.
and there are so many other things to distract me in a sense
iop
pod
proposal
hr
i need to focus. i shall try.
when i see you again, i hope you finally see me.
thank you.
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 9:58 PM
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Wednesday, April 11, 2007
this is indeed getting a bit tiring.
and i keep on forgetting what i want to blog about
each time i come online, i have something in mind
then i get lost in the world of work
and lose it all. what a pity.
but i dont think it is a great loss actually.
how much value can the mindless thoughts of sam chan hold?
on a side note, im happy with my 5 stations napfa.
and i shall be stupid and ego enough to post my results here
sit and reach - 53cm A [a drop from last year's 55cm]
pull ups - 9 A [an improvement from 6]
shuttle run - 9.5 secs A [either the same or drop from 9.4, im sad]
sit ups - 53 A [improvement. satisfied. not exactly happy happy]
standing broad jump - 255cm A [improvement from 225cm, im happy with this]
sub-total: 25/25
yay im happy with my points and my overall performance. whee!
now if only i can get A for 2.4km run.
if only. i wish in my dreams
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 10:06 PM
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Tuesday, April 10, 2007
this is getting very tiring
not good for my health.
i think.
i need to find strength and motivation.
and may it come from somewhere healthy.
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 10:19 PM
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Monday, April 09, 2007
lalala
are you ok?
I LOVE SAM CHAN!
I need a hug! love! lol
CRAZYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 11:25 PM
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Friday, April 06, 2007
My mind is troubled, like a fountain stirred;
And I myself see not the bottom of it
- William Shakespeare
I guess that pretty much sums up how I feel right now.
The Methodist Walk Duty tomorrow taking second position on my list of most urgent and pressing issues. The top, or at least I like to think it is, at least I try to make it top, will be all about God. And I can see the sense in that, because if I have God, that means anything below that list can be negated for I know if i entrust all of it to Him, He will be able to deal with it.
That brings about some comfort. Unfortunately to my mind and not my heart.
I will try my best, but being human, being sinful, I still feel anxiety and all, and no doubt I am troubled, my mind whizzing with varying thoughts of different things in life, all with a wide range of seriousness. There are so many things to go through, and once something is over and done with, another arises to take its place. Once Methodist Walk is over, OM finals come up. It is a good challenge, one I relish. However one could say these challenges, much as I like them, they can seem daunting. Should I take into account how I feel right now, after yesterday, I really do not think I am ready to face these challenges. Again I have to remind myself that I face them not alone but with God behind me, covering my back, with God in front of me, guiding me, with God around me, protecting me. Again it brings about much comfort.
and that is why I love these times
I look forward to the time later, alone. I really need this time. May it do me much good.
But it hurts, (said with a lot of drama, but with a lack of substance)
that each time I feel this way, after a while I think of you, and then it reminds me of one reason for feeling this way.
No longer though, the things in the past year has sort of desensitized me to all this, to a certain extent, but good enough for me to keep my life.
Thank goodness for the promise I made to you last year. And you probably don't know who you are
I guess it is time for me to go.
Whatever I have said, the quote above says it all. I feel inadequate.
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 9:28 PM
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Thursday, April 05, 2007
i cant believe that i was waiting, in anticipation
this whole week.
then when the time finally came,
i was sorely disappointed.
to the point that now im upset with you
im unhappy, rather angry.
maybe im done with you,
no longer, no more.
must have been blind, in the past
to believe all that. my gosh
i dont think things were what i thought it to be.
being deceived is a bad feeling. bad bad bad feeling.
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 10:37 PM
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Wednesday, April 04, 2007
today is such a funny day.
i wake up today, and well get weird thoughts.
that i would like to come true, to a certain extent. but its really strange.
the weather was fine. very sunny with nice white clouds and all.
one of my favourite kind of weather.
and it is funny how i walked under the hot sun during a pre-meth walk tour of how duty should be, not the walk itself...
and i dont get the feeling.
it is only when i return to class
with the curtains drawn, so the bright daylight from outside lights up the classroom
and it makes a whole lot of a difference, especially when the weather is as fine as today
it no longer becomes kind of gloomy and monotonous in a warped way?
and then i open my school diary
look at the bookmark im using
and then memories flood my mind.
memories of 17 November 2006, Friday.
and then i wish i could return to that day.
ah, the joy, laughter, carefree-ness then.
i miss then.
a question then,
what purpose do memories serve?
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 10:37 PM
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Sunday, April 01, 2007
i know people who gets the feeling sometimes that time just stopped
or at least went by so slowly that it is as good as not moving
it drags by
i am quite sure there exists those who feel that time is moving too fast
that they are unable to catch up with the blistering pace around them
now i feel, that time is moving on at its normal pace
but everything inside me has stopped.
i guess whatever is working within has taken a tea break. extended.
or maybe it is because of a malfunction somewhere
and now time is needed for whatever problem there is to be repaired
i have no idea what is going on
what i do know is that it hurts
in the most subtle way
its not a sharp pain searing through my flesh
nor some kind of blunt ache underneathe it all
its a feeling that starts from the heart
and spreads to my hands
where the sweat glands get this urge to work overtime
and then it subsides in a matter of moments
as suddenly as it all began.
before long the next wave comes about
and it subsides, slowly but surely.
the wave comes up in a hurried rush, maintains for that few moments
and then fades away.
much like the waves on a low gradient coastal area
i am becoming emo.
i hate it.
i am at a loss for words.
my body is at a loss for actions.
i am at a loss.
do i care?
i should.
do i care?
i try to.
do i care?
its difficult to.
do i care?
no.
i am wasting time away, i have wasted friday night after the whole escapade
i have wasted saturday afternoon after bb in the morning and after watching phantom of the opera at night
i have wasted this afternoon by sleeping away
but then again i always do that, and then wake up regretting wasting so much time
but things are different now
it is not just restricted to those lazy sunday afternoons.
everything has changed.
what happened before i keep in my memory
those nice happy moments
with smiles all around
what happened before i store somewhere inside
those painful dark flashbacks
of tears, hurt, grief.
what happened before i let it float around
those past memories
which merely shatters me.
it has been one ride.
started out with curiousity
started taking a general form by first impressions and first times
moulded by experiences
refined by trainings
cut like a diamond by lasting impressions.
a finished product.
i failed. unfortunately.
i sit prettily on the display shelf, and grow weary.
cobwebs cling on to me, dust finds joy in layering all over me.
i disappear into oblivion,
forgetting myself.
it ended. the same way how it all started.
and then memories come rushing back.
and my knees buckle
my eyes grow teary
i lose myself.
ok not so serious. but i do feel sad.
i counter that by reminding myself life moves on,
something i got to do too.
and then im reminded of it all.
again.
i hope i dont collapse
like last year.
blank hopes.
drown myself in work.
if i can will myself
to do so.
i am not making sense.
and i am becoming emo.
not the suicidal kind. the so called perversed definiton one.
whatever.
sc
whimsical nonsense @ 11:22 PM
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profile
Samuel Chan
7 January 1991
affliations
shuqun primary school
Henry Park Primary School
Anglo-Chinese School (Independent)
acdb8 / bb12thcoy / acspb / ac cross country
